Why is Committing to a Parenting Philosophy So Challenging?
Unraveling the Key Obstacles New Parents Face
Picture this: You’ve scoured the internet, read books, and listened to advice from well-meaning friends and family.
Yet, despite your best efforts, it seems that every parenting strategy you attempt falls flat, leaving you puzzled and questioning your parenting abilities.
But here’s the truth: You’re not alone. I’m right there with you.
There’s a reason why implementing parenting advice into successful and consistent practice often feels like an uphill battle.
In this article, I’ll explore the reasons behind this inconsistency and provide three solutions that have helped me become more effective at implementing parenting strategies.
First and foremost, let’s examine some reasons why parents struggle to stay consistent with their chosen parenting strategies.
1. Unrealistic expectations
As parents, we understand and cherish the uniqueness of each child. Yet, there are moments when an unconscious desire creeps in — a wistful wish for our little ones to conform to a perceived ideal, perhaps inspired by the “well-behaved” kids next door. We find ourselves tempted to adopt the same strategies, yearning for our child to sit at the table and eat their broccoli without a fuss.
However, it’s important to remember that our children are destined to test boundaries we set. No matter how well-intentioned, replicating your neighbor’s methods might not yield the same results. Why?
The truth is, effective approaches can differ based on your child’s temperament, gender, and even their birth order (whether they are the first, middle, or last child). Each of these factors shape your child’s unique journey and failing to recognize it, usually results in frustrations and a constant shift in parenting approaches.
2. Influence of the environment
Parenting strategies often require a supportive and consistent environment to be effective. As a new parent, I found it really challenging to stick to my parenting philosophy when it would clash with the world around me. This includes conflicting opinions from friends, family, or even societal pressures.
Without a supportive environment, it’s harder to stay committed to a particular strategy and maintain consistency in your parenting style.
3. No theoretical background
When you hear some advice, do you ever ponder these questions —
How does it work?
What is the theory behind it?
Will it genuinely benefit my child?
When is the appropriate time to implement it?
Understanding the reasoning behind a specific approach is crucial when it comes to implementing it effectively. Otherwise, uncertainty starts to take hold, which will lead to hesitation. Your child will sense your hesitation and will continue to push your limits. That’s usually when we feel as though a strategy is not working and revert back to our old ways.
Here are three key actions I took to help me overcome inconsistencies in my parenting approach.
1. Understanding developmental age-appropriate behaviors
Understanding how children develop and behave at different ages gives me a clue to what behaviors are normal for my child’s stage of development. I can then set realistic expectations, respond appropriately, and be confident in my decisions.
2. Pursue an Environment that Aligns with Your Parenting Philosophy
I intentionally seek out communities, parenting groups, or like-minded individuals who share similar values and beliefs.
I’m not saying reject those who don’t align with your values — what you believe today may not be what you believe tomorrow. However, be conscious of the influence your environment has on you.
If your environment clashes with your parenting philosophy, then become an advocate within your community to help influence others and promote a nurturing environment for all children. But do it for yourself first.
3. Educate yourself but know where to look for information
To gain a deeper understanding of different parenting strategies, I found it beneficial to read different books with different perspectives. Then I made my own conclusions based on my experience and my child’s temperament.
The most important point
In our quest to be good parents, we often turn to books and seek external guidance on how to raise our children. And that’s perfectly understandable. However, it’s important to remember this:
Our greatest teachers are actually right in front of us — our own children.
Our children have a unique way of showing us how they want to be loved and cared for, if we are attentive enough. They have their own love language, so to speak.
It may not always easy, but by simply observing them closely on a daily basis, you can uncover the most effective parenting style that works best for both you and your child.
So, if you find yourself constantly wavering between strategies and seeking advice, take a step back and truly observe what your child is communicating with you. Their actions, behaviors, and responses hold valuables insights into their needs and preferences.
Be present, be attuned, and you can forge a stronger bond with your child.
Thanks for reading!
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